FreakoutITGeek's Blog

Random IT postings from Freakz

Monthly Archives: May 2013

break ups

I recently went for an interview for my dream job. Now to put this in context I have applied for the organisation and role on two previous occasions (over the past 10 years) and have become more successful each time but failed to secure the role in question.

I’m not great at interviews, in fact I’m probably one of the worst interviewees you have ever seen, I tend to get overly anxious, make silly mistakes and generally mess up, but I thought I’d got this one sorted.

On this occasion I felt confident that I could secure the coveted position, maybe that was my down fall on this occasion. I failed dramatically, receiving a rejection within hours of the interview ending. After the high of the experience I was dropped down to earth quicker than Felix Baumgartner, except I felt more like a cartoon character, where I had disappeared into the ground, leaving only a silhouette behind.

The organisation don’t provide feedback so it’s impossible to know what went wrong, but I have realised that putting so much into this process has changed me.

I have realised that when you go for your dream role, with an organisation that you admire so much, it’s almost like a first teenage crush and may never be the same again.

You have admired the role and taken the effort to find as much as you can about the role, the organisation, the ethos, just everything you can, you have fantasised about what it might be like to ditch your old job and live that dream.

You land that dream interview, the equivalent of that all important first date, and you feel welcomed, alive and have the desire to take things further.

Sometimes it’s not the right time, and sometimes, years later, you try again and each time it doesn’t work out, you die a little inside. Some feel anger and resentment and lash out saying that they were “better than that anyway”, others shrug it off and move on taking solace in the progress that they have made and learn from the experience. Me, well I’m living with the reality that the dream is over, I’ve had my third strike and it’s time to leave the plate and let someone else have the limelight. It’s like having that on-off relationship it’s great, but when it’s over you feel empty inside and want to be back, eventually you have to realise it’s not healthy and it’s a waste of everyone’s time. It’s time to move on and find something that’s more meaningful and long lasting, something that works.

So as I sit here licking my wounds I look at my current role, the grey, drab, mundane existence I have been working the last decade, and realise the future can still be bright, I just need to find a new flame that will bring me back to the person I once was, excited with IT and the possibilities it holds.

OH by the way, when it comes to
my life outside work, I’m happy married with an amazingly supportive wife and family & friends that nurture and support me no matter what.

My personal life over the past 18 months has included a roller coster of mental health issues, cancer drama, near death experiences, trips to Accident and Emergency and dealing with everything that comes with all of these situations, yet I still look on my life with positivity and am thankful for my family, both immediate and extended and my friends, all of whom have been there for me, as I have been there for them, throughout everything.

Here’s looking to a more positive and productive future.